After twenty years many people are stuck in the job a seventeen-year-old chose for them.
Would a teenager make the right life choices for you and understand what a grown adult needs in order to feel fulfilled and know your core values and passions in life?
You’d probably agree they likely lack the maturity and wisdom to make these life choices.
Teens live for the day, their life experience is limited, they still have much growing, getting to know themselves and learning about life to do. So they’re not that well-equipped to make choices which have long-term repercussions for you.
Well, what if I told you that is exactly what most people do? They let their teenage selves decide what they will do for the rest of their lives.
Then they persevere with that choice even when it’s obvious a change of direction is appropriate!
If you’ve set goals and done ‘all the right things’ but they just don’t seem to be happening, you’ve probably underestimated the power of your sub-conscious.
You’ve failed to work on first changing your self-image.
We can fool ourselves like that, thinking what we want and what we expect are one and the same. Far from it! That little onion we are always has more layers to it. Simply peeling off the outer skin does not change what we are inside.
Our self-image sits deep within our sub-conscious. It’s how we see ourselves at the core of our being. It’s what we truly see ourselves of being worthy of and of being capable of achieving.
I repeat: it’s how we ACTUALLY see ourselves. That’s not the same as how we WANT to see ourselves or how we WISH to see ourselves.
It’s not even necessarily how you admit to yourself that you see yourself.
Yet as we peel back the layers of the onion we get closer and closer to that true self-image we hold deep inside – at our core. It controls all that goes on in our lives and it always wins.
This can be a damn scary ride.
I’ve worked really hard on my personal development over the years. The more I’ve studied, the more I’ve realized just what a little onion I really am.
As we work through the layers we get closer and closer to the core – to our heart.
The journey can get pretty hair-raising. Sometimes you just want to run away and hide under a rock, too afraid to face the monster under your bed.
It can also be super humbling. Just when you think you’re becoming rather evolved, thank you very much – you find yet another layer to peel back!
It was only a few months ago that I had a big reality check. I thought I’d done the work I needed to in order to move forward to the next level I’d set my sights on. But it just wasn’t happening. I felt like I was stuck in quick-sand. So I sought help and had a session with my friend and fabulously talented clairvoyant Robin Sharee. She sees things so clearly. (I often wonder how frustrating that must get for her at times.)
In that session I came to realise that, although I’d worked through many layers, my core still held onto beliefs that stemmed from early in my childhood. Beliefs around self-worth, hard work and success. Beliefs I thought I’d eradicated only to find their seed was still alive and well at my core, right there in my heart, ready to sprout again should conditions turn in their favour and certainly blocking my current path.
It was a big eye opener. There are always more layers to the onion. Personal development never stops. Thinking you have ‘arrived’ is a sure way of fooling yourself.
Those beliefs at our core are what form our self-image – how we see ourselves at the deepest level. Our outer world can never be more than that. It will always match our self-image.
All the goal setting, dreaming, desiring, planning and wishing will only ever remain that – a wish – unless we are able and willing to change that self-image.
This takes courage.
Now let me tell you the good news bit!
Once I got over the shock, I decided to dive into the next layer of the onion and get excited again. I’d discovered it, that’s cause for celebration. Imagine – if I’ve come this far whilst holding those seeds of limiting beliefs inside me, just image what’s still possible!
So when you discover a limiting belief that has been responsible for a self-image not in line with how you’d like your life to be: Get Excited!
You’ve discovered a golden nugget. A treasure!
Uncovering it and seeing it is the tricky bit. Once you see it, you can start addressing it.
How do you do that?
Start by telling yourself how loved you are and how worthy you are of all the good that is waiting for you.
You know what I’m talking about. We’ve all been guilty of it.
We start something new, full of best intentions, brimming with enthusiasm, and giddy with excitement. It might be a new project, a new business, a new exercise regime or even just a much needed spring clean at home.
But you know how it goes. At first, you’re out of the starting gates like a bull at the rodeo. Things are motoring along. You’re at every single gym class, showing up early for those business meetings or whatever it is you decided to commit to.
A bit further down the track, a couple of obstacles pop up. Maybe family or friends want your time or attention, something blows up at work or your partner really wants you to spend some time with them. So you figure, surely it can’t hurt to skip your new routine just this once.
Except, it’s not just this once. Before long, another obstacle crops up, then another and so on.
You suddenly realize your life is really full and fitting this extra thing in on a permanent basis will be a bit tricky. You start to feel stressed and wonder if you can really do it. Did you take on too much? Was it a dumb idea? Can you really do this?
Rather than pulling your socks up and figuring out how to make it work, you actually slack off a little bit more. You keep telling yourself it’s only temporary and once conditions change, you’ll be back into the swing of it. That makes you feel better.
People might ask what’s going on. Do you need some help; is there anything they can do to support you so you can make this work? Rather than appreciating their help and telling them the truth, you make a few excuses and start to feel resentful towards them. How dare they pressure you?
You start avoiding them to save yourself embarrassment.
Time goes by and your new venture fizzles out. Before long, it’s nothing but a distant memory of something you’d once thought about doing.
When it comes up in the future you tell people, “Yeah, I tried that once but it didn’t really work for me.”
Your life is back to exactly how it was before. Except – that’s not what you wanted, is it?
You started that thing because it was going to make a positive difference. You were prepared to put in a bit of effort, make some sacrifices and maybe go through some pain. You could actually see the end goal and its benefits and decided it would be well worth doing what it takes to get there.
Deep inside, you feel like you failed. Maybe you’re just not meant to reach that goal. Maybe it only works for others. For you, things are just different.
Maybe your life will always be just like it is now – it’s not all bad, anyway, is it? You wouldn’t have minded to have that little extra, but you can do without. Plenty of people do, after all.
This is the dialogue that goes on inside us. It happens to all of us and it is not at all uncommon, so don’t beat yourself up over it.
However, the truth is that you absolutely CAN finish what you started. Plenty of people do and truthfully, some of them have it a lot tougher than you do.
So what went wrong? What’s the missing link?
You’d probably love to try again, but you really don’t want to risk another disappointment. And if you don’t try, you can’t fail, right?
Well, I tell you this. If you really want it badly enough, you can absolutely do it.
Armed with a few tricks and the right approach, it’s not even all that difficult! Yes, I’m serious!
Here’s the key tools you’ll need in your bag of tricks:
1. Before you start, get really clear on WHY you’re doing it.
What’s the end result going to give you that will make the journey worthwhile? How important is it to you? If it doesn’t excite you, add huge value to your life and frighten you just a little bit, success will be difficult. Only take on goals that sit right with you and your core values.
This is where many people get unstuck. They take on something because they feel ‘it’s the right thing to do’, but their heart’s not really in it. No wonder the wheels fall off.
You need a goal big enough that you can sustain the journey.
If your desire is lawnmower fuel, you’ll struggle to launch a rocket.
2. Work that mindset, girl!
We accomplish in life exactly what we expect to accomplish.
Work on your mindset – always. It’s a lifelong exercise that never ends.
How you see yourself and what you feel you are deserving and worthy of, will always limit what you can achieve.
Find mentors, read books and hang out with people who understand this.
And watch your language!
What comes out of your mouth is representative of how you see your life.
Power Tip:When asked how you are, always reply, “Fantastic!”
This habit alone will change your life.
3. Phone a friend!
Ask someone supportive, positive and encouraging who BELIEVES in you to help you.
They don’t have to call you weekly to check on you, but ask if it’s OK you call them if you’re having a wobbly moment. If you really trust them, share your desire and reason for doing this with them and ask them to remind you of this when things get tough.
Be careful who you share your goals with.
Sadly, a lot of people – often completely subconsciously – will sabotage you with their words. You see, if you can break through it means they should be able to do the same And that often makes them uncomfortable.
Talk to someone really successful – they usually want nothing more than to see others succeed too.
Power Tip:If you don’t have the right person to share your goal with, be sure to write yourself a letter as to why you’re committing to doing this and why it’ll be worth pushing past obstacles. Read it when things get tough.
4. Give it a chance already!
So many people try something for only a couple of weeks and give up because ‘it doesn’t work’.
If you’ve been overweight for five or more years, can you really expect to drastically change your body shape and get fit in just a couple of weeks?
If you’ve been mismanaging your business for years, can you really expect your profits to drastically change within only a month or two of working with your new business coach?
If you’re starting a new business, do you really think you will reach overnight success when you’ve never done this before?
Give it a chance already!
Once you have absolute clarity on what it is you want to do and why, one of your biggest investments will be time and patience. Ask supportive people who have done this before what might be a realistic time frame for results. Then work it like hell for at least that period of time.
If you plant carrot seeds and continually pull them up, looking for the carrots, you won’t get much of a carrot harvest. Plant your seeds, nurture the soil and know the harvest will come – in the next season.
Power Tip:Set a realistic and long enough time frame to achieve an initial result and stop digging up those carrot seeds.
5. Manage your time wisely
Life is busy. For anyone looking to add yet another thing to the mix, they’ll have to keep their wits about them. Be willing to sacrifice something so you can have the new thing.
Do you watch TV? There’s several hours each day you can immediately free up!
You’ll need to learn to say ‘No’ to things. Get really good at it.
Power Tip for saying ‘No’:You don’t have to give a reason! You can simply say, “No, I’m so sorry I can’t.” Then leave it at that. You can also give them a reason and it can be very generic. Eg: “NO, sorry I can’t because I just have too much on at the moment.”
You’re entitled to control your own time.
Time management is actually the art of self management.
It might be the whole ‘New Year’ thing but I’m feeling rather philosophical at the moment and thought I’d share…
Last night I picked up Paulo Coelho’s book “The Alchemist” and was struck by the Prologue.
It tells the story of Narcissus who knelt by a lake each day, mesmerized by the beauty of his own reflection. One day he fell in and drowned.
But this story did not end there. It went on to tell how the goddesses of the forest arrived at the lake the next day, looking for Narcissus. Instead they found the lake, which had been fresh water, now salted by tears.
The goddesses said, “It’s natural that you mourn Narcissus. He was so beautiful and you were the only one lucky enough to have been so close to him.”
“Narcissus was beautiful?” asked the lake.
“How can you not know of his beauty? He spent hours each day, gazing at his reflection,” replied the goddesses.
The lake explained, “I cry for Narcissus because deep within his eyes I would see the reflection of my own beauty.”
What a story!
I’ve been pondering it and reflecting on it (no pun intended) since last night.
We usually associate the story of Narcissus with a warning of the dangers of vanity, superficiality, ego and self- centeredness.
However, Narcissus did not know he was beautiful. He had no idea it was his own reflection he came to admire each day. He only tried to get closer to this thing of beauty he’d discovered and eventually drowned in the process.
The lake also had no awareness of Narcissus’ beauty. To him, Narcissus’ daily visits provided an opportunity to appreciate his own beauty.
So I’ve been pondering what this story says about all of us.
Why do we look for beauty outside ourselves?
Can we only see our own inner beauty through the eyes of others?
Are we only truly beautiful, useful and meaningful when we can reflect off other people?
Narcissus and the lake certainly did this for one another.
For years I knew I wanted to do more, be more, contribute, leave a mark, move people, be of value and service.
I expended much energy wondering how I could do it, what it would take, who or what I needed to become.
I wondered, “What kind of person do I need to become?”
Maybe you can relate. Do you also ask yourself these questions?
I looked up at those I admired. I wanted to become like them, more real, more engaging, so easy to connect with, knowing they understood, that they’ve been there too and often still were, yet could help and offer so much.
They were just like everyone else, but somehow..totally different – so open, so wise, so authentic, so comfortable, so human, so… inspiring.
I wondered, “What work do I need to do, what do I need to learn, in what ways do I need to grow to become like that?”
I’m just a normal human being. I have flaws and imperfections - like a temper that flares when it shouldn’t, days where I just want to stay in bed, days where I completely doubt myself, bad hair days, BO days, days I’m stuck wearing pants because I forgot to shave my legs, days where it’s scrambled eggs for dinner because I couldn’t be bothered or failed to plan ahead.
The chasm between who I wanted to be and who I actually was seemed huge.
I pondered and wondered. I racked my brain. I studied, I read, I delved deeper and deeper into my own soul.
And one day I understood.
The thing I feared was the very thing I needed to embrace. Acceptance of my own authentic self was the bridge I’d been looking for.
It’s the thing you too will need to embrace if you wish to grow, to serve, to live the life you were intended for, do the work you were put on this earth to do.
Your humanity, your imperfections, your flaws, your frailty – embrace all of it.
I realised I needed to embrace the contradictions within: my fragility alongside my strength, my insecurity alongside my determination and self belief.
The evidence of that humanity, of the constant battle and determination to grow, of ways they accepted their imperfections and leveraged them to become their strengths, the constant see-saw, the yin-yang, was exactly what I’d admired in my mentors.
We often get so busy trying to be who we think we should be, who we feel we ought to be or who we desperately want to be that we lose sight of who we really are.
What’s the secret to creating success AND making it last?
I’m talking about the success that makes you grin from ear to ear, the success that fills your heart with glee, the one that makes you say hello to random strangers because you just want to share some of the incredible heart warming joy you feel.
In my opinion, there are THREE pillars to making mind-blowingly awesome success both attainable and sustainable.
Let’s just talk about them a bit today without getting into them too deeply just yet.
Here’s a quick summary video – or you can just scroll down below to keep reading:
Pillar Number 1 – MINDSET
We are nothing without the right mindset. To create something from nothing – be it a new business, greater success in your existing business, better relationships, better health – you must first create it in your mind.
You must be able to not only CONCEIVE it, but also BELIEVE it. That sounds fairly simple, but there’s a lot to it.
It’s a fair bit to keep in mind, but don’t worry, I have your back.
Pillar Number 2 – TIME MANAGEMENT
Ok, say you have all this mindset stuff down pat. NOTHING will stand in your way.
You still need to know how to make the time to build this new empire of yours. Chances are your life’s already full and busy, so how can you make time for one more oh-so-important thing that may change EVERYTHING and FOREVER.
Roll up your sleeves, it’s time to get practical. This is where some kick-arse time management strategies have to come into play.
Are you good at managing your time right now? Do you get the important stuff done? Do you know how to avoid being side tracked by the less important things?
There’s a quick way for you to get all the info you need to get this pillar sorted ASAP. Scroll to the bottom of this post (or to the top of this page) and subscribe to receive a free copy of my Ultimate Time Management Blueprint – the Top 7 Success & Survival Tricks Guide.
You’ll also get ME – kicking your bootie – for free! I’ll pop up in your inbox every day for a week to help you implement and really cement all you’ll discover in that blueprint.
We’ll have you getting more done in half the time before you know it.
Pillar Number 3 – MONEY MANAGEMENT
People love to forget about this one. They think having more money will solve all their problems.
Here’s the truth. You can be a millionaire and be broke. You can be earning a million dollars a year and still live pay check to pay check. True.
We’d all like a bit more money. Money gives you options. It can buy you freedom.
It’s super important you learn to appreciate, wisely manage, invest and multiply whatever amount of money you earn now. Else earning more will do you no damn good. You’ll just be doing the same old thing – there’ll just be another zero or two at the end of all your numbers.
I’ve had to face my own money demons and conquer them. I wrote a blog about the day I realised how bad my own money sabotage had become here.
The great news is, I got past that to create an amazing and abundant life and I want to share all I learnt so you can get to incredible success even more quickly and easily.
I’m currently putting together an awesome ‘Money Magic’ program which will have you loving managing your money, will get you doing it almost entirely on auto pilot and will show you to make whatever amount of money you earn grow and multiply. Plus – I’ll show you how to attract even more of that gorgeous stuff!
So stick around!
Ok, now you know how to create lasting success by building it on your three critical pillars.
There’s plenty of homework for you in the links above, so you can get cracking right away.
For me it’s time to sign off – the kids are waiting to be driven to soccer