Sometimes I feel like such a bitch

You know when you want to say something, but you just… DON’T?

 

You’re being nice… and polite but it still kind of eats away at you..?

 

 

You keep biting your tongue, you choose to take the higher road, to look past it, be the bigger person, just roll with it and be coooooool, maaaaaaannnnn…

 

But then suddenly you hear some words coming out of your mouth. Words that haven’t been authorised by the ‘nice girl’ panel in your head.

 

It’s not so bad. You’re not being rude or anything. You’re not even actually saying what’s bothering you, you’re just kind of asking some questions and mentioning some stuff… you know, just casual STUFF… hoping the friggin penny drops already and the person who’s been making you want to pull your brain out in fine strands through your nostrils finally understands the impact their behaviour is having on you!

 

You’re not being mean, PER-SAY

 

You’re just leading the horse to water and hoping it notices the foul smelling broth that’s been accumulating there as a result of its actions.

 

Only then… the horse bolts, revolted at what it finds in the trough, maybe a bit embarrassed, feeling deceived about being led there by you so casually without any warning as to what was waiting

 

And then, sometimes, in the midst of its panic, the horse just goes and kicks you square in the head.

 

Now, was the horse RIGHT to kick you in the head? Well, not per-SAYYY

 

Did you deserve to be kicked in the head? Probably not.

 

Was there a foul smelling broth in the trough because the horse had been shitting in it without even realising but the stench was making you want to poke out your eyeballs with paperclips?

HELL, YES!

 

Had you politely been avoiding the topic because you really like and even LOVE the horse? Yes!

 

So why did the bloody mo-fo kick you in the head?

 

Well… maybe it’s because you weren’t being real, straight, direct or upfront.

 

You were being nice, so nice.. so …considerate, so… sweet, so… understanding, so completely in denial to yourself and everyone else that…

 

 

… and there was no way you were going to be able to ever keep your mouth shut.

 

You weren’t being authentic and true to yourself!

And that shit (sorry for the profanities – it’s that kind of a day) just builds up. You can’t just ignore it.

 

Had you spoken up early on when you should have, maybe you wouldn’t have gone about it in some half-arsed underhanded way once you just couldn’t take it anymore.

 

So you managed to get yourself kicked in the head – plus you feel like a total bitch! Good work!

 

Thus the lesson goes:

To avoid ending up a bitch, don’t be so bloody (unauthentically) nice in the first place.

 

 

Thanks for listening, kids!

 

xx Miriam

 

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