You’re on 3 school committees, have a nice job, great kids, a successful husband with a neat career who treats you like a queen, you look after yourself, get to the gym, keep that bikini line perfectly manicured & are generally the full package. Geez… you must be SOOOO happy & fulfilled!
You’re not even sure how ‘fulfilled’ should feel but you just know – this ain’t it.
Your life ticks all the boxes – so you can’t even understand what the problem is. It’s just that… you’re so damn busy and you’re pedalling as hard as you can but still – it never quite seems to be enough. Nope, definitely not fulfilled. More like… frazzled, really. There’s just never enough time. It all looks great from the outside but you’re actually too afraid to slow down because if you allow it all to catch up with you, you might crash in a heap and never make it back up.
So you keep pedalling… harder… faster… on & on.
Shall we have the entire family over for Christmas dinner? Sure – there’s only 35 of them! And everyone should come back the next day to help finish off the leftovers. But we better just make another couple of meals for that day. Just to be sure there’ll be enough. Oh – in the middle of it all you’ll need to run your daughter to a party and then go back to pick up her up later. No problem! Dinner will be over by then & she can be home for dessert. How about the cousins all sleep over too? There’s 8 of them under the age of 10 and you can make them pancakes in the morning! They’ll have SO MUCH FUN. Yipeeeee… And your darling husband will be back from his business trip just in time to get changed and throw on the barbecue. Perfect… not!
I’ve known ‘perfect’ women like this. Then sometimes – ‘out of the blue’ – they try to commit suicide or have an inconvenient nervous breakdown. Didn’t keep up the Prozac – tsk, tsk!
You might not be quite this extreme but still many – if not most – women suffer a version of this at times.
Trying to please everyone else, feeling guilty for not providing the perfect family experience, unable to say ‘No’ and forgetting what they’re truly all about – you know… in their soul… at their core. They’ve forgotten their Core Values.
Aside from trying way too hard to please everyone else, they’ve forgotten how to please themselves and what it actually is that pleases them in the first place.
So let me ask you: “What lights up your soul, makes you want to run down the hillside singing & dancing like Julie Andrews in ‘The Sound of Music’, and fills your heart with sheer, unadulterated joy?”
I’ll tell you what will: Things in line with your Core Values will!
If you can revolve your day – and your life – around your Core Values, you’ll automatically fill your soul to the brim and become the most wonderful mother/wife/partner/daughter/employee/employer/business owner/ friend etc. imaginable. No more having to fake it: “Smile for the camera.. Cheeeeese.”
Then you’ll be living my favourite motto:
“Success is doing all you love & loving all you do.”
You’ll focus on the things that are truly important, which nourish your soul and you’ll put all your love into them. This will create incredible momentum, joy and yes – SUCCESS!
Ok, enough of the fluffy stuff – let’s get busy, sister!
- Make a list of all the things you do, the things you’d LIKE to do and those you feel you SHOULD.
- Don’t think it through too much, just spend 10 minutes dumping it all onto a piece of paper.
- Now we’re going to trim this list down to your top 5, then your top 3 Core Values.
- Start crossing out 5 non-essential things at a time. If it gets too tricky, go 1 at a time.
- Cross out what’s not really important, what doesn’t really give you joy or what you’ve been wanting to ditch anyway.
- Keep going until you get down to your top 5. If the world ended tomorrow, which ones would still be important enough to bother with?
- Here’s a rule to keep in mind: Your top 5 must include at least 1 thing you do for yourself and 1 thing you do with or for others
- When you get to your top 5, translate them into Values or Priorities.
eg: Kissing your partner goodbye each morning is ‘A loving relationship’, going to yoga twice a week is ‘Mental Space’. Feel free to make up your own definitions. These are YOUR values, not mine or anyone else’s.
- So you now have your top 5. Have a look at them and see how they feel.
- Let’s go one further. If you had to cull it down to the Top 3, which would you sacrifice?
Great! We now have a list of your Top 5 Core Values including your 3 Central Values.
Your 3 central ones are daily non-negotiables – nothing should ever come ahead of them. Your top 5 are essentials – they have to be part of every week. This will make allocating your time a LOT easier.
Core Values come first – always.
Go back & look at the original list of ‘stuff’ in your life. You can now pick all the things not in line with your Core Values and start giving them the flick.
Yes, I know you’ll have certain obligations that are hard to get away from, but trust me: Saying ‘NO’ gets easier with practise – it even becomes fun! 🙂
Trim the Fat – Travel Light – Less is More.
You want to be unapologetically YOU in all your glory. That’s when you can be of most service and when you’ll finally feel… FULFILLED.
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