I’ve come to love the terror barrier, but that’s not always been the case.
It used to be a continual source of frustration. Every time I got close, the voice of negativity in my head – a result of listening to all the knockers & doubters (we’ll deal with THOSE bastards in another post) – would have me back away.
Relieved at not having risked embarrassing myself, thoughts like: “What made me think I could do that, anyway?” usually followed. Not long afterwards though, I’d suffer a heavy sadness in my heart.
Challenging old belief systems is not easy. They’re persistent little suckers & will fight like hell for survival.
Let`s back up a minute… “What’s this terror barrier you’re going on about, Miriam,” you ask??
I better explain before you keep reading on:
This most recent terror barrier was a big one. It really caught me by surprise:
I remember how my hands suddenly felt sweaty as I finished typing up my blog. “That’s it, I guess,” I thought. There was nothing else to do. The ‘Publish’ button stared at me – tauntingly.
“Hmmm…Maybe I could improve the ‘About’ section some more.” So I went through it yet again.
“Aha!” I found a typo! I felt vindicated in my procrastination.
Twenty minutes and another re-write later I was back – staring at the ‘Publish’ button again.
“Come on Miriam – don’t be such a chicken shit. This is what it’s all about.” I wish I could tell you I went ahead and bravely clicked that stupid button, launching my blog into cyber space and proudly declaring to the world that I, Miriam Castilla was going to be an author.
I said ‘I WISH’ I could tell you that. I actually didn’t do it for another two months. Big fat chicken shit indeed!
I just kept going around & around in circles – week after week – changing widgets, re-arranging the banner, thinking maybe I best wait until we’ve finished the re-design of the book & blog header before I unleashed it all on you – any excuse I could come up with, really.
I started to worry this book may never happen. Hitting that damn button was such a definitive thing to do. I knew once I’d done it, there’d be no turning back.
How hard this simple act was really caught me by surprise. I’m always looking out for limiting beliefs, but terror barriers..? Maybe I’d gotten a bit arrogant – thinking I’m beyond terror barriers. Most likely I’d just been in way too cosy a comfort zone, not peeling back any layers of the onion for too long.
As long as we keep growing that means challenging ourselves.
Ok – now I’d love to hear of a time YOU hit a terror barrier & how you dealt with it. Please scroll on down & let me know!